I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You are a genius and a whore.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
