Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
