Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
