the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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