well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
