I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
