We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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