I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
