I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
