I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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