I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
