We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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