my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Sext me about skeletons
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
