if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
