Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
