Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
