my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
