Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
