Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He shit in the fireplace
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
