Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just found a bag of teeth...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
