She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
