i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
