The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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