we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
