i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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