so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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