If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
