He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
