make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
