The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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