he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
