its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
