My brain says no but my pants say off.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
