I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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