i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
