when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
