i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
