Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
