Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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