the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
