I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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