wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
