After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
