Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
