Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
