Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
