No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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