Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
