I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
