Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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