so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
