sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
