I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
