ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
