I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
