Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
